Dear Drama Free Diary

** Here’s a story I wrote way back that still cracks my sh!t up. Hope you enjoy! All names have been changed for the privacy of their silliness**

Dear Drama Free Diary,

You won’t even believe the first I had this weekend! I know, I know, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a story to tell… but when the story is drama-rific, I can’t help but share.

The evening starts out innocent enough, just catchin’ up on some late night TV at the new lover’s house. I’ve known Manny for a couple of weeks now and as I’m thinking I should be getting home because it’s so late, we hear it-

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

I’ve never seen a grown man’s eyes get so big before. That could only mean one thing. It’s the other girl. And she knocks again.

“Get ready for some drama.” he says.

WTF? Why do I have to get ready for some drama? I have not started, caused, or asked for drama. Why the eff do I have to get ready for some? I did not RSVP for this party.

So, it’s not the first drama situation I’ve ever been in before. It’s cool. I mean, I’ve seen drama. I’ve started drama, I’ve caused drama. I’ve even asked for drama before. The first for me that night was after Manny went outside to talk to Ms. Knocks.

Lots of hushed conversation. You know the kind I’m talking about– the type of convo where you don’t really want to know what’s being said, but because it’s so hushed you find yourself straining to hear bits and pieces. So, I sat and watched TV trying to listen /not listen to the two outside. Well, that’s the way it was till I heard…

“How many of these hoes do you have rollin’ through your house?”

WHAAAAT? Did homegirl just call me a hoe? Oh NO she didn’t! So I ran outside and knocked Ms. Knocks right on her…

Ok, no. I didn’t knock anyone out. I didn’t even move off the couch. I sat in awe and realized I was just called a whore. As I sat in awe, all I could think was “How the heck did I get myself in this situation?”

…But most importantly, can I just run out the door screaming? I can’t go out the front, that’s where they are chatting. If I go out the back door, do I have to jump a fence to get to the alley? Maybe I can just crawl out a bathroom window on the side of the house and wait in the bushes until either she leaves, or they go into the house. Yes, that’s what I’ll do, out the window.

Why can’t I find my shoes? Where are my keys? How do I get to my car?

Gotta jet I hear the door opening!

Forget the car, I’ll just come back for it in the morning.

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